i have good news and bad news!

I know you want the bad news first! I'll be leaving this blog. Its so funny to me because every couple of years since freshman year in high school I've made a new blog. I guess its because I'm constantly growing and I feel that I need a change to fit my huge change in my life.

Ok! now to the good news! I made a new blog haha! of course it's going to be pretty much the same but more focus on becoming a woman and living on my own.  Right now im just messing around trying to get a feel of what to post but I hope you enjoy it!

http://embracethebeautiful.blogspot.com/

the best gift..

I love when he sends me his poetry on Facebook even though he's sitting right next to me his poetry always paints colorful abstract pictures in my head idk why but here's what he sent me tonight...

Crowned queen
Lavender sea swell african brown skin
Such a beautiful sight
Tangled love in confusing world
A lot of things aren't adding up
But the way the lavender sea swell the African brown skin
Have me oh so sure
Empress of the land
I protect with my bare hands
Hope she feel the love in my touch
Hold her tight under the peaceful lavender sea
Oh what a dream
Laying under the beautiful lavender sea
such a queen
And I am her caribbean king
Going to war
Under the tiny lavender sea

Marriage?

I think Im obsessed with getting married! I don't know if it's because I'm turning 21 on Monday or I just want a ring on my finger. This guy though, I can never stay mad at him for 5 mins. When we kiss we never go up for air and when I'm minding my own he kisses me all over like crazy til I start to laugh. When were out and give him a little peck on the cheek his whole mood lightens up and I feel like I can tell him anything.

Even though things aren't as I hoped to be, I never been so happy with someone for this long. Yea the way he acts sometimes irritates and I'm sure my ocd'ness pisses him off but we deal, but the hardest part is celibacy. Although it is refreshing to be with someone that respects my wishes of no sex, sometimes I forget that I wanted that, I mean we live together and were young but I refuse to let that be an excuse to break our promise. I know I torture him when I try to seduce him on purpose, but I'm working on it. He's resisted so far, and it shows me that he is a really strong man.  I can't even get offended by that, I'm actually impressed because I don't want to toot my own horn but you know haha okay Im done rambling lol. But I love him and I'm very thankful to have him in my life.

& after reading all the reasons why I want to get married, I just realized I'm not obsessed with marriage, I want to marry him.

...

It’s like we spend our lives looking for that one connection to someone so we can have a reason to fall in love. 

Then we ignore all the red flags and the little voices in our head to stay in love.

And then we sit there stuck wondering why everything fell apart.

I want to ask him if he'd ever hurt me, but what's the point in that question.

His past sounds familiar to me, déjà vu.

He's been in a broken home, he's made plenty of mistakes too

but I'm sucked in because he said he’s a changed person. 

Should I trust him?

Or should I run. 

Ready. To leap blindlessly with hope for no more broken promises.

No more damn lies.

Just comfort and wholeness.

Living with no doubt, no regret.

A new chapter I can begin, the past I can soon forget.