as of June 30th..

(google)

MY life will never be the same.

The month of June was defiantly not my month. 

I was emotional, discouraged, and pessimistic. Then I started getting sick.

Never threw up, just a constant gagging feeling, and I'm thinking to my self ...

Oh you must have a bad stomach bug or something. As the days go by I'm still feeling nauseated, and I pick up these food cravings. Now, that's no shocker to me because I love food, like passionately love food

so I'll occasionally go to In-and-Out burger 10 in the morning to get the animal style burger and fries. lol 

Then the end of June comes and everyone around me is getting my period, so I know mine will be coming soon...wrong. 

I'm delusional, as I create a million of excuses as to why my period is late. 

                               1. I'm taking a fitness class.

                               2. I'm sexually active.

                               3. Probably my horrible diet.

                               4. Maybe my cycle is off.

Update: The ex I talked about in my previous posts, well...we got back together and you know what he told me? He told me, "I think you're pregnant." NAHHH! no way, in my mind I'm totally denying it. A couple days go by and I'm have the worst morning sickness ever, all day everyday. I thought morning sickness means you throw up in the morning! maybe I shouldn't have taken that term too literal but after I decided to make a doctors appointment for June 30th at 1:30 pm. 

My boyfriend comes along with me, and as I met the medical assistant, she weighs me and the asks me. " Have you been urinating a lot? I shrugged and said yea. So she gave me a cup to piss in. I go to my room sit on the weird leather bed thingy, a couple mins go by and then my doctor comes in with the results. "Your test came out positive..." I smile at my boyfriend and back at her, and I'm thinking to myself ha! I knew I wasn't preg...wait she said positive, oh shit! Then all these flashes of stuff, my future, everything go through my head. I'm sweating, and breathing hard as she talks to me about my options and stuff I honestly don't remember . She sounded like the parents on Peanuts. lol no lie...I couldn't even look at Larry. I know he's happy, but its not supposed to be this way. 

Todays Update: I still feel like crap, and I threw up for the first time today trying to eat a salad! yayy! But I believe this is a blessing, and a miracle in disguise. I'm glad I have wise and encouraging people in my life because I know I'd be feeling very ashamed of myself right about now, but thank God I don't. I plan to love this child and sacrifice all I have. I want my child to be a happy child of God and know Him like I know Him. I'm 5 weeks and it sucks right now, but I'm smiling on the inside and it'll get better soon.