i have good news and bad news!

I know you want the bad news first! I'll be leaving this blog. Its so funny to me because every couple of years since freshman year in high school I've made a new blog. I guess its because I'm constantly growing and I feel that I need a change to fit my huge change in my life.

Ok! now to the good news! I made a new blog haha! of course it's going to be pretty much the same but more focus on becoming a woman and living on my own.  Right now im just messing around trying to get a feel of what to post but I hope you enjoy it!

http://embracethebeautiful.blogspot.com/

the best gift..

I love when he sends me his poetry on Facebook even though he's sitting right next to me his poetry always paints colorful abstract pictures in my head idk why but here's what he sent me tonight...

Crowned queen
Lavender sea swell african brown skin
Such a beautiful sight
Tangled love in confusing world
A lot of things aren't adding up
But the way the lavender sea swell the African brown skin
Have me oh so sure
Empress of the land
I protect with my bare hands
Hope she feel the love in my touch
Hold her tight under the peaceful lavender sea
Oh what a dream
Laying under the beautiful lavender sea
such a queen
And I am her caribbean king
Going to war
Under the tiny lavender sea

...

It’s like we spend our lives looking for that one connection to someone so we can have a reason to fall in love. 

Then we ignore all the red flags and the little voices in our head to stay in love.

And then we sit there stuck wondering why everything fell apart.

I want to ask him if he'd ever hurt me, but what's the point in that question.

His past sounds familiar to me, déjà vu.

He's been in a broken home, he's made plenty of mistakes too

but I'm sucked in because he said he’s a changed person. 

Should I trust him?

Or should I run. 

Ready. To leap blindlessly with hope for no more broken promises.

No more damn lies.

Just comfort and wholeness.

Living with no doubt, no regret.

A new chapter I can begin, the past I can soon forget.

and i wish we never did it **trey songz voice**

your eyes gaze at me

i look around with uncerntanty

that anyone can look like that at me

i smile and look down shyly

my tall dark n handsome african prince is what i called you secretly

skype sessions til 4 in the morning talking about whatever came freely

singing britney spears acting goofy

i loved when youd stare at me

you called me beautiful, i didnt know how to react to that

i thought to myself damn he's such a catch

but i cant like this guy, so i let go my feelings for you...detached

the last skype session was the quietest, as i watched you play 2k and talk to your homie

it was 3am and you were mindless

and then you asked me "can i come over and chill."

chill? CHILL?

my guts were churning but some how i managed to ignore it when i said, "yes."

then you were here.

so confused, i wanted to read your mind as you took off your shoes and sat on my bed.

"lets watch a movie,"  you said.

i was happy to see you as i laid my head on your chest and we talked n talked...

i cared for you, i called you friend.

but lust was yours while the fool was mine as i gave in to your temptations

and my flirtatious habits came...

sex was your aim

now that sex is my shame

and you cant even be the one to blame

tried to be friends but there were too many words left unsaid

we got into an argument and my blunt words has you misled

 and after that youve havnt checked up on me since

im bummed because im missing out on a good friend

and i sorta miss you...

aaww well , neeeeeext! 

march 14th.