Sunday, August 28, 2011


Day Ten: One confession
1. I fear of getting back into my old habits while im in VA, and not doing what I need to do when I move but I know thats the devil trying to get his way into my mind. I've been praying on it and I know that angels will be watching over me. He wont win! bahaha..

Saturday, August 27, 2011

urban gentlemen


Day Nine: Two smileys that describe your life right now.
1.  =/ life is boring.
2. =) ...even though its boring, im content with it.

Friday, August 26, 2011


Day Eight: Three things that boys, men do that you love.
1. I love when a guy cooks for me, of course.
2. I love when a guy goes the extra mile for me, and doesn't expect something out of it or doesnt hold it against me. (now thats rare nowadays)
3. I love it when a guy approaches me right. Start a conversation, don't be lazy! lol
now, thats a gentlemen...where you at?!

Thursday, August 25, 2011


Day Seven: Four things that boys do that you hate.
Dang, only 4?
1. Calling a female a Bitch. I don't care if she deserves it...I don't
2. When a guys approaching game falls short, "Hey ma, can I get your number?" yea, NO.
3. What's not okay for a female to do, it's okay for a male.."It's different." Nope! If you had a reason not to trust me, okay. But if you dont, why bother? your insecure...
4. I saved the best for last. "Oh you pretty for a dark skinned girl," I swear I can write a book on this. I'm shooting this one to the so called "brothas" out there b'cuz other races don't say this. Remember who had your back, back when the white people were doggin the color of your skin, whether you were light skinned or dark you were still a "nigger". That just grinds my gears, but I'm not saying you can't have your preference of females you find attractive, all colors are beautiful. But my preference is intelligence and thats the most ignorant thing I've ever heard come out of a boys mouth.
btw, I love how it says boy not men...hah


how to love -lil wayne

This video hit a nerve, I'm sure it did for a lot of females of all generations. Even though a lot of us came from a broken home, its up to us young females to stop that cycle of pain and it starts with God. I'm not proud of my decision to have an abortion and I've made a million mistakes but God's given me a second chance to start over and stop the cycle that's been held down within the women in my family. The hurt, the abuse and the guilt stops here. There's got to be a good guy out there, because I may not know how to love but I'm trying..

Wednesday, August 24, 2011

Learning God's word...

I am not saying this because I am in need, for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances.
-Philippians 4:11

The best thing about this life God created is that the sun will always come up the next morning so if I feel like the world is gonna end with my dramatic butt, its not. lol. Even though I'm a lil dramatic, I'm also optimistic that I'll soon know my purpose and I too will find happiness that He promised me and I've put complete faith in Him. He's gotten me out of so many problems and opened my eyes to so much, I just keep on wanting to stick to the constant drama in my life. I keep letting myself down.

The only thing that won't let me down is His word. I get a chance to start my life over and I know when I'm out in Virginia somethings gonna happen, because I know I cant run away from my problems. When I'm  out there this is my chance to make something of myself and grow spiritually. This is my chance to make right decisions and be around the right people. I feel like I have something to prove to people, but I know that's not the right way to go about things. So I'm doing this for me. I've experienced what life is without God and it sucks! I'm ready to be free.


Day Six: Five people who mean a lot to me
1. Mom
2. Dad
3. Grandma
4. My cousin Shalisa
5. Larry

Tuesday, August 23, 2011


Day Five: Six things you wish you’d never done.
1. I wish I never had sex. I overcame the pressure of having sex in Highschool, then completly gave my virginity my freshman year, to a douche bag! My first time was not pleasent and if I can take it back, I would...and who knows I'd be rocking my virginity just like back in highschool, lol.
2. I wish I never smoked weed. Another thing that came upon me in college. But I wont get into detail about that. Just know that I havnt smoked since June, and I'm proud! :D
3. I wish I never stayed quiet when I saw something that bothered me. Like if someone getting treated wrong for no reason, bullying, anything that people don't desreve! I was too afraid to stand up...shame on me!
4. I wish I never doubted God. I used to be the one who questioned him, the one who thought she can fix things all on her own, the one who did what she wanted because she felt that no one cared anyways. I'm not perfect and I still make the stupidest decisions, but I have complete faith in my Father.
5. I wish I never put so much trust into people (who arn't family). When it's all said and done they always let you down in the end. My family is not all close and lovey dovey like most families, but they do want the best for me.
6. I wish I never ignored my mom when she gave me some advice or some words of wisdom because whenever I'd get into drama, she was always right and she'll always say "but I told you, I been there done that."

Monday, August 22, 2011


Day Four: Seven things that cross your mind a lot.
1. Food.
2. My purpose in life, as in what it is exactly.
3. My ex.
4. My mistakes, regrets and could've beens.
5. Not making another mistake so I wont regret it later. Can't shake that one, haha.
6. My hunger for an accomplishment in my life.
7. Virginia, and my new beginning there.
I can list 100 things if I wanted to, my mind is always somewhere else...

Sunday, August 21, 2011


Day Three: Eight ways to win your heart.
I can go for days, but ima keep it short and sweet...
1. Funny. I like a guy who is goofy and likes to have a good time.
2. Respectable. (Nuff said)
3. Motivated. If a guy is motivated and wants to be the best at whatever he does, we on the same page.
4. Intellectual. I love a guy who isnt afriad to carry a decent conversation.  I dont give af about your favorite sex position duuuude. (-___-)
5. Humble. I don't like the egotistical guy, usually those are the ones who plays games and theyre often a lil insecure inside. To feed their ego, they make you feel like crap. I wanna feel like a queen minus the catering part.
6. Food. They say a way to a man's heart is through their stomach. Well same goes for me except I'm a female, lol.
7. Same interests. What are we gonna talk about if we have nothing in common? I like to talk about stuff that interests me. The whole talking for hours til the morning is how I know me and that guy are alike...
8. God. Religion doesn't matter to me as long as that guy has a loving relationship with God, and reads the bible so he knows where I'm coming from and where I wanna be spiritually.

Now... where is he at? lmao...'sighs'

Saturday, August 20, 2011

speaking of africa...

they're gorgeous..i can say we're gorgeous shoot, lol I love where I come from

My bucket list of places I want to visit

 Fiji - Just because I'm not too sure of their culture, I'd like to know more.
 Canada- Just because I've been watching Degrassi since I was 8 and it looks like a great place to hike.  
Japan - I'm starting to become anime freak, and I love their culture. Plus their technology is 10x better than the US.
 London! - I really believe I was meant to live there, or at least study abroad and I have family there.
 Trinidad and Tobago - My mom was born there and I'd love to know more and see my distant relatives.
West Africa (saved the best for last) - My Dad was born there and I've seen pictures of the family, they look just like me...I'd love to meet them one day.


Day Two: Nine things about yourself.

1. My name is Tashana but I go by Shani.
2. I stand at 5'11
3. My favorite color is lavendar
4. I'm a shopaholic, if I had money it would consume my life. lol
5. My birthday is on September 10th whoo! im gonna be 20!
6. I'm a computer nerd (get it from my dad)
7. My dream is to become a food person and travel the world to eat.
8. I love all kinds of music.
9. I have a really good london accent, better than nicki minaj's

Friday, August 19, 2011


Day One: anything you want to say to ten different people right now(I changed it)
1. Myself - Remember what your goals are, and stay focused. No more getting caught up.
2. My Mom - I know I'm not like you, and we argue like sisters but I love you and I can't wait for you to begin your new journey.
3. My future husband - I know. You think I'm too young to be thinking about you and I don't even know who you are. You don't have to be a catch, you can be nerd for all I care...nerds are attractive haha. But whats important to me is that you treat me right and you love God, and meet me half way because if you do best believe I'll give you my all and more!(sorry I just got done watching Jumping the Broom)
4. Pooch Hall - Speaking of Jumping the Broom. You don't know me but if I could marry you, maaaaaan. (He's so fineeee, lmao)
5. Jayisme34 (yes twitter haha) - Dude, you intrigue me. You’re not like a lot of guys...the ones I could figure out right off the bat. I'm surprised I don't get bothered that you’re a non-believer. Probably because I was a bit of a non-believer myself, even though as a child I went to church. God got a hold of me though...a couple times actually and I was ignoring Him for sooo long because I was frustrated with the way the world is. I'm not perfect (thats why im not into the whole religion thing) but I'm trying, and I wish I can shake you into understanding the way I see it, but Ima leave it up to God.
6. My future child - I don't want you to be a burden in my life. I will give you a million times more than I ever had. You wont be a "love" child, nor a regret. You'll be a child of God, and I will love you and love you until your sick of it, even when you get older and you don't want a hug, I'll still give you one. I will be proud of whatever you do as long as your trying. And when you dont feel like trying, I'll push you...just a lil.
7. My Bestfriend since 7th Grade - B-hizzle! Even though we haven’t been the definition of bestfriends in a while you still are. You’ve been my inspiration for soo long, because you don't care what people think and you always keep it real. Your so driven and you don’t stick to the status-quo, your different and just your own dang self! lol We probably have about a ka-jillion inside jokes and I hope it'll never end.
8. Maya Angelou - You are inspiration. I don’t know the personal you but the you that you display for everyone to see, you are amazing. You are wise, something I hope to become when I'm seasoned in the world. Even though I cant that far! When it comes to that, I know I have something to look forward to, seriously.
9. Dad - I pray and pray for you to be healthy. Sometimes I don't want to care because you shut me out your other life, and it's not right but I've come to terms and I just need to stop trippin about it because obviously your wife is more important, I can't win but I love you.
10. Jesus - You already know whats in my heart, Thank you. <3

Thursday, August 18, 2011

10 day challenge, lets go!

Day One: Ten things you want to say to ten different people right now.
Day Two: Nine things about yourself.
Day Three: Eight ways to win your heart.
Day Four: Seven things that cross your mind a lot.
Day Five: Six things you wish you’d never done.
Day Six: Five people who mean a lot (in no order whatsoever)
Day Seven: Four things that boys do that you hate.
Day Eight: Three things that boys do that you love.
Day Nine: Two smileys that describe your life right now.
Day Ten: One confession

fall come home soon....

Wednesday, August 17, 2011

when you think it's over...

19 year old girl has been away from her mothers house for 5 days. Her mother is hurting her emotionally with her words, making her feel like she's nothing, like she can't do anything right.

She is insecure, apprehensive, and misunderstood.

Her boyfriend broke up with her at approximately 12:44pm. After he allegedly wanted a break. There's no further information on if they reconciled.

She is hurt, confused, lifeless, and broken.

For as long as she remembered shes been trying to find a job. But unfortunately she hasn't found a break or any luck with anyone calling or hiring her.

She irritated, depressed, restless, and sick.

She has a Father that is watching over her, who has a glorious plan for her. She doesn't know what it is but He does as long as she puts her faith in Him.

She's thankful, humble, joyful, and hopeful for what HE has in store.

No matter what comes in the way, makes you take 3 steps back, or hurts you. Remember God loves you and will never leave your side. =)

Tuesday, August 9, 2011


I love's jeans, they're the only website I know who sells jeans for long legs (37 inches!) also for a good price..$31 and some change? i bought a regular pair in the past and they fit a lil tight in butt area lol but still my dream come

Monday, August 8, 2011

Dear unborn,

I'm sorry I gave up on you. I was sick everyday, and I didn't know what to do. People say it wasn't born so it's not technically a human. But you were apart of me, and I learned to love you. But reality set in when your father didn't man up to his responsibilities. Nobody understands how alone I felt, how upset and disappointed I was with your father. But now I try not to show it and I try to enjoy my life. I try to make best of the situation because I'm not sick, not starving nor throwing up vile any more. But you were growing inside of me, and I came to terms and was actually happy for a moment because he was by my side. That's all that matters, my faith was on high. Until everything shattered in my face. For that time my mom and I were out of the city I ignored you, you were dead to me... Then I got back home and the week of the abortion I was so scared. But I knew he messed up with that shit on Facebook and how everyone knew. I'd be a fool to go back out with him after that situation. He shouldn't have told anyone I was having a baby in the first place. I needed time and he abused it. He abused me and now I'm bruised. And I feel like I wasted time. When people out there dying to have you in their stomachs I just threw you away. I was so anti-abortion before all this happened. You were a gift from God, unfortunately also a curse in my part, that's why they say babies can't have babies. Thats why it's important to be married then have kids. It says in the bible not to have premarital sex, And this is why. I'm prime example. I was supposed to marry your father but he was just talk. And he wanted to marry me after the fact. Your father was an immature fool. I know this sounds crazy, but I wonder if God recycles fetuses, you can be someone  miracle baby. Haha. Or maybe I have you on hold for one day when I'm really ready to have a child. Anythings possible with God. I'm sorry, and I'm ready to let go...