Friday, January 6, 2012

my self-deliverance

What is the meaning of "being delivered"? It means to be set free from sin, temptation, bondages or anything that is hindering your walk with Christ. My flesh has become my worst enemy ever since I've been saved. Latley, I've been having constant thoughts of the past whether it is not forgiving someone for hurting me, regret, or just insecurites. The devil uses the guilt card on me all the time. "Remember what you did, or what they did to you, or you can't do that, or be that...remember?" The feeling of guilt, nothingness, worthless, the suicidal thoughts comes out of the clear blue sky and I'd be depressed for the rest of the day. Now I know I refuse to go back to be trapped in sin, because I've come this far. But God knows there was times I went to Him and then went back to my old ways because I felt discouraged. I believed, but my lifestyle was not Christ-like. 

One night I experienced a self-deliverence. It was after bible study and I was on my way home. For that night I felt horrible. I felt like there was something in me  that was just wieghing me down and I couldn't even put my finger on it. As I was driving home I decided I should just talk to God and the words poured out of me. I was sobbing and yelling out to God to help me, I kept on saying I'm a child of God. Then I started preaching to myself, I proclaimed to the devil, "I'm done, I'm done with you and I'm no longer listening to you anymore, I'm tired." I continued demanding to the devil, preaching and I'm thinking in my head all the words that were coming out my mouth are not my own, I was sure it came from God. Then I keep sobbing deeply, screaming and coughing like crazy to the point where I felt like I was drowning with air and I couldnt breathe normally. Some where after I was commanding to the devil I said in JESUS name, I started throwing-up air. I tried to stop because mind you I'm driving at the same time, but I couldnt. It didn't feel like I was physically throwing up anything, but my actions were indicating that I was throwing up, it was air, a spirit? Something that was deep, and heavy inside of me just came out of my body, my soul? After I was done starting praising God and thanking him and just humbling myself to him. I didnt know how to react what happened to me, until later that night my boyfriend told me what being delivered meant. I needed to be alone with God and to praise, and talk to him and ask for guidance. Once I had that experience, I know this is more real than ever, God is working through me and I have to change now so I can help others reach Him. How amazing is God!! God requires much of you, so there is no time for feeling not good enough for anything. Our Father has already forgiven you for whatever you done in the past, key is to pray, confess what you have done and ask for forgiveness. 

Proverbs 28:13 You will never succeed in life if you try to hide your sins. Confess them and  give them up; then God will show mercy to you.

Continuing to read and study the Bible is important, when you read His word your forever gaining knowledge and  encouragement. 

Joshua 1:8 Study this Book of Instruction continually. Meditate on it day and night so you will be sure to obey everything written in it. Only then will you prosper and succeed in all you do.

What is the devil gonna try to say next? Nothing, becuase once you get an understanding you can become bold in Christ, spread the good news, worship and have faith in Him. 

Isaiah 26:4 Trust in the LORD always,for the LORD GOD is the eternal Rock.

Don't sleep on the word, because the devil doesn't sleep.


  1. Thank you for this post.

    It is so refreshing to see people be more open and less candid about their trials and tribulations. It's nice not because "misery loves company" but because you are alive and able to speak on overcoming it- it makes you a testimony that "this too shall pass".

    What I loved most about reading this (besides the fact that you had a moment with God and a spiritual cleanse), is this line:

    " the point where I felt like I was drowning with air and I couldn't breathe" <---- there is SO much irony to this sentence. The fact that air is supposed to give you life, but instead you felt like you were suffocating from it- AIR of all things- just proves that you were battling something bigger than what is seen or felt. It was a battle within you and I'm glad it was released through your faith.

    Happiness is not a destination in which once we've arrived, we are okay from there on forward. It is not a home that you save up to buy, and once you move in, you live in peace. It is a STATE of mind. It is an abstract thing, and it is fought to be sought, and wept to be kept. Everyday we must fight for our happiness, and that is the reality of things. So keep on fighting for it, especially for the new year!


    Sojo, FWB

  2. I appreciate you reading it Sojo, I just felt the need to share has truly changed my life forever , thank you so much =]

  3. great post1 I love reading about people who are going thru something and has God on their side. The journey to his kingdom won't be easy but it is worth it in the long run. The devil likes to see us fail but sadly it wont happen. stay strong, keep faith and stay beautiful. May God bless you :)

  4. thanks so much God bless you too sis =]

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